A Novel Idea: Why I Wrote The Truth About You

Want to know the single biggest factor hindering our ability to reduce domestic violence? It’s public perception.

People generally have the wrong picture about who commits domestic violence, why they act that way, and what we should do to stop them. When we start with incorrect assumptions about the who, why, and what, is it any wonder we’ve made little progress addressing the problem?

As a former domestic violence offender, and now as the founder of an organization that works with thousands of men and women who have committed acts of domestic violence or abuse, I’m bewildered by the disparity between the dominant social narrative about this issue and what’s really true about those causing harm in their intimate relationships.

Getting the why part of this equation correct matters the most. When we move away from the viewpoint that domestic violence is an attempt to maintain power and control, to the more accurate one that sees that hurt people hurt people, then we rightly see both men and women can perpetrate abuse, and both can be abused. We appropriately realize the solution is not to shame offenders into behaving better, but to help them identify and heal the wounds driving their actions.

I’ve wondered, how can I help change public perception about domestic violence? One approach is to present research and data: show them the evidence, build compelling arguments, and convince them with facts, figures, and statistics. However, all these studies and data exist, yet the misperceptions persist because few people engage with them.

My original question evolved to, how can I help change public perception regarding domestic violence in a way that people will listen and remember? The answer was what great writers, speakers, and influencers already know: tell a story.

Books that profoundly changed public perceptions about social issues have a rich history: Uncle Tom’s Cabin and slavery, The Jungle and food safety, The Grapes of Wrath and the plight of migrant workers, 1984 and government surveillance, To Kill a Mockingbird and racism—just to name a few. Books hold great power.

The Truth About You is story that merges many of my client’s stories with my own, depicting realistic situations found in abusive relationships, and exposing little-known challenges for those working to change their hurtful behavior. I hope it moves the public perception needle at least a little bit in a more constructive direction.